On Forgiveness.

I don’t spend enough time thinking about or giving it. I know very well that I need forgiveness for the better portion of who I am, how I behave, how I love others. I am selfish down to the core. It follows then that my actions and words are motivated by my desires, needs, dissatisfaction, moods, etc. I don’t need feminism or the larger culture to tell me to love myself more. I don’t have low self esteem. I esteem myself too much. I look out for myself better than I look out for anyone else. Yet I find that that philosophy isolates me and brings well-earned shame and guilt upon my head. A wise friend said to me yesterday, “love changes us, not condemnation.” This bring me back to forgiveness. I don’t get to forgive myself; that’s not a thing. But I do know that if I will accept it, I have God’s forgiveness. No idea why He would do that. But shouldn’t this mean that I spend less time condemning myself and more time receiving forgiveness? And further, shouldn’t it also mean that I spend less time condemning others and more time forgiving them because I have been forgiven when I didn’t deserve it? The answer should be yes. 

But I’m a work in progress. A stubborn one.