I will read this letter to him tomorrow.
My dearest love,
On this day, the day of our wedding, I wanted to write some words to you, things that live deep in my soul that need to be spoken. I love you. You know that already, but if that was ever in question, I really really do. While writing this, I was reflecting on your love for me, our story, how things have been lately and who I desire to be for you. Over the last several months, you have seen the worst of me. The Lord knows just how wretched my heart has been and you have taken all the blows. I grew slothful in my pursuit of God and of you and the consequences have been worse than I could have imagined. Will you forgive me for how I have preferred myself and in so doing, treated you like you were inferior? I have dishonored and disrespected you with my words on many occasions and sought to hurt you instead of love you.
While I know these are heavy words for a day that should be light, it’s important that you hear them from me before we wed today. Who I have been is not who I want to be for you, nor is it who God will let me continue to be. Praise Him for that! By His grace, I will begin to walk out repentance.
I count it a miracle of God that today you are ready, even eager, to marry me. You astound me. I believe more than ever that your love for me was a gift given to you by God to show us both what Jesus’ love looks like. I love you from the bottom of my heart and deeply desire to be a better friend and lover to you. I believe you are being given to me by God in order that we may pursue a more passionate life and relationship with Him and each other—one that is filled with less and less self-interest, pride and bitterness, and more and more laughter, openness, oneness, forgiveness, and freedom. And I believe He is giving me to you so that we may be carried sweetly to God, to the end. To be carried sweetly, though, is not easy but I believe no other path or person could accomplish these things. Let’s trust Him and always keep the truth in view.
I also want you to know that I do not feel any doubt about being your wife and taking you as my husband. The doubt and confusion I once felt have been banished and I make this choice freely and whole-heartedly. I have a long way to go in becoming a good wife, but I desire to and ask for your help as my best friend. Endeavor to be patient with me as I stumble along.
Given all of that, know that when I make my vows to you today, I will not be lying and I won’t be saying them with a naive, flimsy hope that just by trying harder I can keep them. I will make my vows to you with the help of the God of the universe who alone will enable me to keep those promises. When I fail, He will convict me. And though I fail, He will bind us forever.
Thank you for loving me, for never giving up, and for wanting more and better with me. I cannot wait to be your wife and discover the path God has laid before us as a team. I love you.