Valentine’s Day has never meant much to me. I spent most of my life without someone to call a valentine so I came to regard it as nothing more than the day you buy obligatory cards for all the kids in your class or wish a happy day to those that did have someone special. I wasn’t bitter about it. It just wasn’t for me. But this year I forgot that my guy is sentimental and squishy inside—which I love—so I hurt him when I planned over it. But that’s not my point. He gave me a letter he had written to me four years ago. It starts like this, “You’ll notice there is a gap between my previous letter and this one.” Yes, he has been writing letters to me for years, even when we weren’t together and this is the first one I’ve ever seen.

I’ve been wrestling with whether or not to continue writing these to you. I feel God obviously ordained us to be apart and I don’t want to be clinging on to something He has not planned. But at the same time, I know that our separation is also part of His plan for us and if He wills us back together, this time apart will be something we forever look back on as a gift of God’s graciousness, relieving us from the pain of an immature relationship.

Now I know in the past your feelings for me have been inconsistent to say the least, and I’m sure there are many reasons for that. However, I believe it was God’s way of protecting your heart.

Your presence in my life causes the most deep longing and joy for His kingdom.

O most beautiful among women, how you overwhelm my senses.

I cried when I read it. There’s more, but you have to know the whole story. It’s been...insane. I will just leave this here. It can’t be real. Bye.