1.3.17

“Do you know what I’m going to say?” “No, I don’t.” I was surprised. This felt weird. It’s my mother; we can talk about anything. But we don’t talk about everything and that’s my fault. I told her with fumbled confidence that I wanted to marry Tyler. I felt sheepish and translucent. But she is a safe place. She didn’t embarrass me and she didn’t treat me like a child but asked me to catch her up to where we were, what had changed, how certain obstacles had been overcome. I loved her for that. “It is my joy to trust Him,” she said. “I’m glad one person feels that way.” I was thinking of my father and my sister. This has been harder for them. I have tried to put myself in their shoes so I think I understand, as best as I can. They both have some obstacles within themselves, ones I wish I could solve because I feel responsible for creating them, although I did not. But I can’t solve them and I shouldn’t try. If God is near—and I believe He is—then victories will be won. In time.