8.27.16

I remember each choice I made today to love. And yet it happened so quickly. One quick exchange cuts me down and I am crushed. My love feels worthless. So I withdraw and spit fire. It’s what I always do. And though it feels right, it is always a mistake. I have chosen yet again to believe the absolute worst and extend that scenario repeating into the foreseeable future. This familiar wave of hopelessness always engulfs me. I let it. And that small yet undeniable tug to give up haunts me.

He asks for forgiveness, always the first. 

In the calm I ponder. What do I need to be forgiven for? 

“You did not love him like I do, like I have shown you. I made him.”

Forgiveness does not negate or condone the wrong that was done. It chooses to love instead. I am not good at this but I want to be. It doesn’t always seem worth it. But it has saved me so I must consider that.